A Picturesque Score Of Passing Fantasy
by anodyssey
Summary: There's something amiss at Hogwarts this year. Draco comes up with the strangest proposal for Hermione and Hermione somehow feels compelled to accept it. But Draco's girlfriend? What will the Gryffindors say? DMHG, bad summary
1. The Facade

**A Picturesque Score Of Passing Fantasy**

_**Prologue:**_

_**The Facade**_

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Hermione Granger had never been more enraged when she walked into the private compartment for the year's Headboy and Headgirl. Draco Malfoy was sitting, no, lying in the compartment with his head in the lap of Pansy Parkinson.

He was saying to her (sounding quite desperate), "Pansy darling. I hate to break it to you-" over here, he tried to sit up but Pansy had clamped her pudgy fingers onto his skull and wrenched him back onto her lap and continued to run her fingers through his hair. Malfoy did not look like a happy camper. "-but I can't be with you! I'm with- ah! There she is!" Draco had so jovially announced, pointing at Hermione.

"What on earth-" she began, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"GRANGER?!" Pansy screeched. She had finally let go of Draco's head long enough for him to leap out of the seat and to Hermione's side and proceeded to snake an arm around her waist.

Too stunned to move or speak, Hermione stood rooted to the ground, her eyes still as wide as saucers.

"Why, yes Pansy! Is that so surprising?" he arched an eyebrow in Pansy's direction, as though daring her to make a scene. Which she did. She leapt up from her seat wailing and then tearing down the corridor or compartments, positively screaming with indignation.

Draco casually let go of Hermione's waist and proceeded to shut the door of the compartment before sitting down ever so casually as though none of that madness had even occured.

"W-What the bloody hell was that?!" Hermione spluttered, regaining her voice, but not quite losing the total shock of the whole situation, her eyes were still as wide as saucers.

"Oh nothing. Don't get too excited Granger. That was only for show," Draco said briskly, smoothening out the wrinkles on his jacket.

"OBVIOUSLY!" Hermione screeched, feeling her blood boil. After all, it wasn't an everyday thing for your arch enemy to announce to the whole world (well, technically only Pansy Parkinson) that you are his girlfriend right?

Feeling rather sick, Hermione sat down, not feeling happy at all. She needed something to calm her nerves...like a book! She rummaged through her bag and pulled out a thick, heavy looking book.

"Reading a book again, my pet?" Draco drawled mockingly from across her.

Hermione glowered and chose to ignore this little remark of his. At least, she tried to. After some rather disturbing and unconventional thoughts about why Draco had told such a heinous lie, Hermione decided to ask him.

"What the bloody hell were you thinking?! Honestly, announcing to big mouthed Parkinson that we're in some sort of twisted relationship!" she wanted to know, pushing her brown locks out of her eyes.

"I was just trying to get her off my back. I was desperate! If you had someone like Pansy hounding at you all the time what would you do? But then again, you wouldn't know because no one hounds you at all," Draco said with a satisfied smirk. "Basically, I need someone to fend off all the girls that want me so bad," he concluded.

This increased Hermione's bad mood up by just a notch.

"Whatever. I am not going along with this mad facade of yours-"

"Why not?!" Draco interjected.

Hermione had never felt so frustrated or irritated in all of her life. "WHY NOT?!" she boomed. "Because its completely and utterly unethical! A complete pile of bull and nonsense if you ask me! I mean seriously! You and I...a couple! It's simply hilarious! And not in the funny way either," she informed him quite hysterically.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"It's a miracle," Draco said suddenly, his eyes quite wide.

"What is?" Hermione asked curiously, temporarily forgetting about the torment he had just put her through.

"You ran your hand through your hair without it getting stuck!" Draco managed to keep a straight face saying this. Hermione was getting angrier and angrier. But what Draco did next was even more shocking then what he announced. He leaned forward and ran his hand through her hair.

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully, apparently not noticing the look of sheer shock on Hermione's face. "It looks like a rat's nest exploded on your head but its actually quite soft."

"Thanks for that," Hermione said sarcastically, although she could feel her scalp tingling where his fingers had brushed past. Never in her life had she expected her worst enemy to run his fingers through her hair and then somewhat complimenting her afterwards. It made her quite sick, to be honest.

"Why me though?" Hermione asked.

"Why you what?" Draco asked right back.

"Why did you ask me? Me, Hermione Granger, of all people to pretend to be your girlfriend so you can fend off all your crazy fans?" Hermione explained.

Draco tapped his chin, appearing to be thinking about it. "Well, its quite simple really. You were the first one to barge in and somewhat rescue me from the evil claws of Pansy-" Hermione laughed slightly at that. "-and also because we dislike each other immensely, there is no chance of me falling for you and we won't be emotionally attached and all that I won't have to go through all that unnecessary hooha."

"I do agree that we dislike each other immensely but what do you mean you won't go through all that unnecessary hooha? Are you saying that I will like you eventually?" Hermione demanded.

"Well yes," Draco said simply.

Hermione was beginning to feel rather cross. "Well, sorry to disappoint you then, Malfoy, but I will most certainly not be developing feelings of affection for you," she declared, her face feeling hot.

Draco lounged back in his chair looking more obnoxious than ever.

"Prove it then."

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**Should I continue? Review!**

**This story was inspired by a korean drama series, My Lovely Samsoon**


	2. Losing It

**A Picturesque Score Of Passing Fantasy**

_**Chapter 2:**_

_**Losing It**_

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Hermione was beginning to feel rather cross. "Well, sorry to disappoint you then, Malfoy, but I will most certainly not be developing feelings of affection for you," she declared, her face feeling hot.

Draco lounged back in his chair looking more obnoxious than ever.

"Prove it then."

**---------------------------------**

"W-what?" Hermione stammered.

"I'm asking you to prove that you will not be developing 'feelings of affection' for me," Draco said arrogantly, using his fingers to make quotation marks at the words 'feelings of affection'.

"NO!" Hermione bellowed, the furious blush she had been sporting creeping down to her neck.

"You're afraid, aren't you?" Draco taunted, examining his.

"Afraid of what?!" Hermione wanted to know.

"You're afraid to prove it because you know you can't do it," Draco stated.

Hermione opened her mouth to speak but closed it back again. "I know very well what you're trying to do," she said, planting a hand onto her hip. "And I won't fall for it."

"You won't be falling for it. You'll be falling for me!" Draco said gleefully, clasping his hands together. Hermione had never seen Draco this delighted before, and frankly, it scared her.

"But you can't possibly pretend to date a muggleborn. Your reputation would be tarnished!" Hermione said, trying to shake Malfoy out of this madness. But it seemed, at the time, that Malfoy was permanently insane.

"Ah, that is where you're wrong," Draco said, shaking his platinum blond head. "Everyone will think I'm a complete, what's that word you muggles use?"

"Stud?" Hermione guessed, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah, stud. Whatever. I mean, it's no secret that we aren't the best of friends-" Hermione snorted at this. "-and when they find out that I made you like me...it'll be like _magic_..."

_It's official_, Hermione thought, shaking her head. _Draco Malfoy has lost it._

"It's going to take a lot more than magic to get me to ever like a pathetic excuse of a human like you," Hermione sniffed. "And about what you said about me liking you eventually- I don't like you now, and I never will."

Draco shifted in his seat and replied, "Like I said- prove it. Prove that you won't fall madly in love with me."

"I thought I already answered that! I know you're trying to psycho me into pretending to be your g-girlfriend and its not going to work anytime soon so you should find someone else crazy enough to go along with this. I suggest Luna Lovegood," Hermione said.

_She's probably the only person crazy enough to do this,_ Hermione thought, although never admitting that outloud.

"I'm not psychoing you," Draco said, playing his cards exactly the way he should be. "I'm practically daring you to take me on. I dare you not to fall head over heels in love with me after pretending to be my girlfriend."

Hermione stood up. She had had enough with Draco's nonsense. She was leaving to find Ginny. She was possibly the only person who could give her ethical advice at the moment. She gathered her things and stormed out the door, leaving Draco behind in the private compartment.

She rushed up and down the corridor, looking for the freckled face of a familiar redhead, finally coming to a halt outside one of the compartment sliding doors. She rushed in, dragging the young Weasley aside.

"I need to talk to you," Hermione said in a hushed tone, ignoring the curious glances of the other people in the compartment which consisted of Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood. Seeing her face made Hermione slightly guilty about what she had thought about earlier.

"What's going on?" Ginny asked when they were out of the compartment and out of anybody's earshot.

"Draco Malfoy asked me to be his girlfriend," Hermione blurted out.

Ginny's reaction was far from ethical. "AIEEEE!" she squealed. "That's _amazing_! What did you say?" Ginny demanded.

Hermione was utterly horrified. "What on earth is wrong with you? Did you not hear what I just said? Draco Malfoy, the Slytherin jerk we all know and hate, asked me, Hermione Granger, a Gryffindor, to pretend to be his girlfriend," she said slowly, as though speaking to an incompetent 4 year old.

Ginny wrinkled her nose. "_Pretend_? Whatever for?"

Hermione sighed. "He needs someone to 'fend of all the girls' who apparently, 'want him so bad'," she quoted.

Ginny couldn't help but giggle at that one. "I know he's a jerk most of the time-"

"All of the time," Hermione corrected.

"-Fine. All of the time, but you have to agree that he has grown an utter lot _physically_. I mean, loose, sleek blond hair...stormy gray eyes...he's gorgeous 'Mione!" Ginny grinned.

Hermione shook her head. "You're losing your mind too. Wait till Ronald hears about this-"

Ginny punched her arm softly. "If Ron hears about what I think of his arch enemy, he'll never let me have another peaceful, quiet moment anymore. So I would sincerely appreciate it if you kept this piece of information to yourself thank you very much. But seriously though, don't you agree with me?" Ginny urged.

Hermione looked completely appalled. "Of course not! That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard you say! Honestly!"

"Fine then. Don't pretend to be his girlfriend!" Ginny said, throwing her hands up in the air exasperatedly.

"But that's the problem! He's saying that I'm _afraid_ to be his girlfriend because I would apparently, fall head over heels in love with the ferret. Can you believe that? I know he's just trying to frustrate me into agreeing, but I just can't get over it!" Hermione stomped her foot impatiently against the maroon carpetted floor.

"So, pretend to be his girlfriend," Ginny suggested.

"But I don't want to! But if I don't, he's going to make fun of me using the belief that I'm too afraid to pretend to be his girlfriend because I know I would like him eventually! Which, by the way, is not true at all! The percentage of me liking him would be equivalent of the Giant Squid dying and being cooked and eaten at dinner," Hermione concluded.

"If you say so then," Ginny said, shrugging.

"I was sincerely hoping that you could help me Ginny, but so far, I've received zero help from you," Hermione informed her.

Ginny laughed. "Well, I'm in favor of you pretending to date Malfoy," she said.

"I don't know..." Hermione said thoughtfully. "It's kind of a lose-lose situation here. It's either I'm miserable with Malfoy, or I'm miserable without Malfoy who thinks I'm miserable because I'm without him."

Ginny nodded. "I have no idea what you just said but I'm assuming it made sense."

"Unfortunately, it did."

They were arriving at Hogwarts shortly. Hermione peered out the window and somewhere among the vast green grass, was her beloved school which to her muggle parents, would seem like a very large lump of garbage.

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**Does Hogwarts appear as something else to muggles? I think I read that somewhere.**

**Ah well.**

**This one is slightly longer than the last. Review please?**


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